The Love a Black Woman deserves

Black couple in love

**Updated content** When I started writing this post about love I thought about the title. Should I use the word ‘need’ or ‘deserve’ ? What does each word mean for us Black women? Perhaps you think these words – needs and deserves – are interchangeable. The more I thought about it I want to come from a place of talking about what we deserve – how a black woman deserves to be treated.

Love and Corona Virus

The pandemic and the awful stress, grief and despair has made a lot of us think about what’s really important. While this was a few years ago, I’m sure that you have learned alot from it. I certainly did! Not being able to go to the hairdressers, gym or take pictures of ourselves at restaurants or beautiful places has made us take down any emotional masks we wear. Being fake and living lives when we’re not being true to ourselves – has been shown as a waste of time. Walking away from bad relationships or recognising the importance of true real love is at the top of the agenda.

The Love war between Black men and women

I previously blogged about why I feel there’s been a relationships breakdown between Black men and women in the western world. You only need to visit social media briefly to see the vicious comments some Black men make about us Black women. Making cruel comments about our looks, saying we lack any kindness or softness. These words have created a gap where Black women don’t always have a ‘pool’ of interested Black men to choose from. It’s like Black women are left feeling unwanted by those who resemble us. When it becomes clear that our own race doesn’t want to date or consider a relationship with us, we’re left confused, angry, tired…until we pick ourselves up and realise that love is waiting for Black women. We just might not find it in the arms of a Black man – and that’s ok.

The Love qualities we deserve

With everything I’ve said here – the question still is, what type of love does a Black woman deserve? First, it’s so important that any love we are given recognises that a Black woman is feminine too. This might sound a bit odd. But us Black women have often lived an existence where we’re not seen as feminine as white women but we’re not men either. So treating us like we are – in the words of Mary J. Blige ‘So Lady’ is where a man needs to start. So yes, buy us flowers, hold doors open for us, tell us you love our curves….you catch my drift 🙂

Love image
Copyright: Go Daddy

Love that’s backed by strength

We are labelled as strong and alot of Black women will take on that label without thinking. We come from a legacy where being strong has been our only choice. From slavery to our mothers migrating to the western world, their strength was their foundation. It was handed down to us by our mothers as we walked into education and our careers. It’s this strength that’s seen us through so many challenges and still does. Above all, a Black woman really needs the type of love from a man who can be strong for her and the situations they will face together. A love that’s based on a strong foundation where a man will stand by her, no matter what.

An ear, a shoulder…

What does this strength mean? That listening ear that makes a Black woman feel heard, acknowledged. Offering a physical and emotional shoulder to cry on when the pressures of this world are too much. The love that lets a Black woman feel that freedom to just be herself, no games or performing for someone. This doesn’t mean that we expect a man to not be a man. We need a man to speak his mind, show us his feelings and know he is safe to be himself with us. But knowing that man will make us feel physically and emotionally is what we need.

Black woman back turned
Copyright: Go Daddy

Bring us some fun & laughter

Having fun with some warmth and humour is something else we need. Just being able to laugh at lifes’ ups and downs or something silly. A man who doesn’t need to schedule fun but knows when it’ll put a smile on a woman’s face – yes that’s what we need.

I can’t tell you that I’ve got it all worked out. I’m sure you have alot of comments and ideas about what you think should be added here. But I think this is a start to the ‘good love’ a Black woman deserves now and in the future.

What do you think? Did I miss anything here? Leave your comment below:

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